ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
