I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
My vagina just recognized that song.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
