They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
