Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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