I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
It's just like the Real World with babies
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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