Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
