worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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