I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
