Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
