when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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