he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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