Betty ford says i'm here all night
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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