Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I'm having to shit out rocks
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