i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
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