When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
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she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
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I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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