Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I have tasted many bathrooms
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize