Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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