Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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