We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
