i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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