uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
