Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
