It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
