PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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