I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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