yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
