I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
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