You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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