I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
