if i can run in heels then i can drive
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
