he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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