She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
