Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
