This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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