their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
so that wasnt chicken after all
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
