It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
