drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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