NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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