He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
