Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
