he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
