i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
