No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
