There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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