new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
