Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize