Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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