he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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