My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize