Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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