So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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