9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
