i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
We need to rekindle our bromance
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
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