i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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