Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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