he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
