The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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