i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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