when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
