Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
