This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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