theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
