Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
