i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
