i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
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