12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
