you thought your balls were fighting each other...
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
