dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
