Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
