i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
