Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
