Buhtt sex?
farters have to be the big spoon...
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
