I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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