just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
