woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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