Welp...herpes.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
