Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
